The fear of grammar

“I get scared writing to you…”
I have that effect on people; some get an involuntary muscle spasm in their eye, while others apologise in their opening email sentence: “I know there are probably spelling mistakes in the attached document.”
And then, there are those who are incorrigible: “I know, I know! Blatant use of Capital Letters.”

For years I’ve watched in concern at the insidious encroachment of the apostrophe s on shop signs and blackboard menus. 
I’ve read Jen and Nick’s primary school English compositions in disbelief. “Excellent. 9 out of 10.” Their teachers' comments glowed in encouragement, while the kids’ texts were riddled with typos and grammatical errors.
“Sweetheart, see this your -  it should be you’re,” I’d point out.
Jen would give me that “whatever” look as she snatched her book out of my hand.
“But it’s wrong,” I’d protest at her indifference.
In previous jobs I insisted that I proofread memos, emails or letters before staff sent them out on company letterhead. Some of them were truly horrendous and reflected poorly on the company’s image. 
As a customer, I’d think twice about dealing with an organization which paid little attention to such details.
These days I’m equally dismayed by the blatant transmission of incorrect spelling across cyberspace every day.
Okay, I admit that I’m a grammatical purist. And yes, I’m really anal about it.
BTW, don’t get me started on txt msgs ROFL.

Image: sippakorn / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The grammar queen
My Japanese students called me the Aka (red) Pen sensei.
As beginner language students, they struggled with the usual complexities of the English language. Let’s face it, it doesn’t always make sense: i before e, except after c. Well, that’s the general rule, but these are all the exceptions... and so on.
“No, I don’t know why,” I’d admit, “that’s just the way it is.”
English is littered with rules and exceptions that defy reasonable explanation. No wonder native speakers get tripped up by it, too.
Fortunately, I spent two semesters at college in compulsory grammar classes as part of my journalism degree. Spelling and grammar were therefore rigorously drilled into us and they remain deeply emblazoned in my brain synapses.
They turned out to be valuable skills for teaching English as a second language and also helped while I was learning Japanese (subject-verb-object structure, verb conjugations and tenses actually made sense).
Despite their challenges with speaking English, however, some of my students challenged me with obscure questions about split infinitives and dangling participles. 
“Err, let me check my grammar book…”
I mean, seriously, let’s focus on carrying out a conversational role play in the present tense and we’ll worry about complex grammatical etiquette in the intermediate class.
By the way, if you’re feeling a bit rusty with transitive and intransitive verbs, or confused by subordinate clauses, check out this jargon buster reference guide. It’s compulsive reading for us language purists.
Are you still with me?

My top five pet hates
1.  The dreaded apostrophe s
When did plurals start incorporating an apostrophe? I was taught that it’s two cats (not cat’s), or five dogs (not dog’s).
However, if we’re talking about possession, then: the cat’s bowl, the dog’s bone, Dave’s shoe, Carol’s dress. 
If there are two or more animals: the cats’ bowl(s) or the dogs’ bones.
It’s also used as an abbreviation: it’s = it is, they’re = they are, let’s = let us, that’s = that is. 

2.  Possessives and abbreviations
These are the most common errors that confuse people:

• Your vs you’re - This is your book vs You’re (you are) late. 
• Its vs it’s - Humour at its best vs It’s (it is) Wednesday.
• Their vs there - I arrived in their car vs He parked the car over there.

 Tip: If in doubt, write the word out in full and check if it still makes sense, eg This is you’re (you are) book.

3.  Unnecessary Use Of Capital Letters
This is a recent phenomenon which has stealthily crept into flyers, newsletters, websites, emails, videos and anything else that carries the printed word. According to the Oxford Dictionaries, capital letters are used:

• In the names of people, places, or related words
• At the beginning of a sentence
• In the titles of books, films and organisations

4.  Excessive exclamation marks!!! and questions marks???
The general rule is: avoid them.

5.  Quotation “marks” on “regular” words
Single or double quotation marks are used to report direct speech or phrases quoted from somewhere else. Ordinary "words" such as "nouns" therefore don't require "special" attention. 

The Bottom “Line” is “Grammar” Does Matter!!!! Therefore, Grammarian’s Of The “WORLD” pick up your Red “marker” pen’s ... and lets “erase” this Scourge, On the “english” language!!!!