Hari Kotrotsios | Helping organisations tell their stories
  • Home
  • Portfolio
  • Projects
  • Blog

Hands up if you're a black sheep rebel

30/5/2012

10 Comments

 
Since childhood, I’ve often wondered how I ended up in my family. 
I noticed early on that I didn’t fit in and was astonished to realise I had nothing in common with them, apart from the birth thing.
Now, I’m pretty certain I wasn’t adopted. First of all, Greeks aren’t the adopting type; and second, my relatives constantly remind me that I look like and carry not only my paternal grandmother’s name, but also her personality traits. 
I’m sure that’s not always meant to be a compliment - apparently, she was stubborn, strong-willed and opinionated. So really, there’s no reason for me being the black sheep of the family.
According to various online dictionaries, this idiom refers to:
•  An odd or disreputable member of a family
•  A person not living according to family rules or customs
•  A worthless or disgraced family member

I guess it depends on your definition of odd or disreputable, although I readily admit I’m not one to follow family rules or expectations. And despite my rebellious behaviour, I haven’t really done anything that could be labelled disgraceful (if you exclude leaving home before marriage, not being married and not having children). 
But why the black sheep reference?
It isn't entirely clear why black sheep were selected to symbolize worthlessness. Possibly it’s just the linking of black things with bad things. It may also be because shepherds disliked black sheep as their fleeces weren't suitable for dying and so were worth less than those of white sheep. 
(Source: phrases.org.uk)

However, that idea is refuted by this well-known nursery rhyme: 
Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full!
One for the master, one for the dame,
And one for the little boy who lives down the lane.


Isn’t it amazing how a Google search can lead you astray from your original ponderings? (Yes, that’s a real word – I checked it in the dictionary).

Interesting facts about black
•  A black cat crossing your path is considered bad luck in many cultures
•  Black is associated with sophistication and power; think: tuxedos, little black dress, limousines and judge's robes
•  Musicians in an orchestra pit often wear black, so they don’t draw attention away from the stage performers.
Source: Sensational Color

Here are a few more expressions:
•  Black comedy: creating comedy out of a tragic event or situation
•  Blackball: voting against someone in a secret manner to prevent them from becoming a member of a club
•  Blackmail: to demand payment or action by means of a threat
•  Black day: a bad day; symbolizes a tragic event, such as black Tuesday or black Friday.

Err, yes, my journalistic research instincts got carried away!
Wool, sheep and black cats aside, I’ve pondered for many years about why I ended up with this particular family.
I subscribe to the spiritual belief that we choose our families before birth, which means I didn’t arrive by accident. (I’m not here to argue this point; you either believe it or you don’t, in which case we’ll agree to disagree).

Possible reasons for this choice include:
•  Karma
•  I didn’t think it through properly
•  I like a challenge
•  It was Plan B

Nonetheless, looking back over my life I can see how my family circumstances moulded me into the person I am today. If I’d had a cosy, loving and supportive home life as a child I wouldn’t have embarked on my journey of discovery. I probably wouldn’t be living here on the Sunshine Coast, either.
I needed to be the black sheep rebel to forge my own path and destiny. As the first born child, I was inevitably the trail blazer; it was in my genes, in my karma and my astrology chart.
Picture
Image by Simon Howden FreeDigitalPhotos.net
The oldest child syndrome
Psychiatrist Alfred Adler believed that birth order affects personality. As the firstborn, I therefore had a choice to be strong willed and independent or a compliant people-pleaser. Can you guess which one I chose?

Attributes of the first born child:
•  Natural leader/bossy (I can’t argue with that one - tick)
•  Achiever/perfectionist (tick)
•  Studious/conscientious (tick)
•  Serious/solitary (tick)
•  Teacher/nurturer (tick)

These children often develop a diverse vocabulary at an early age, are independent, strong-willed and able to adapt easily to many situations. First born children are known to be highly organized and are often excellent leaders, pursuing careers in education, entertainment, politics (blah!) and entrepreneurship (double blah!). 
Source: essortment

This got me thinking: are first born children naturally the rebel or black sheep of the family?
Apparently not; another Google search revealed that it’s often the middle children who are the rebels, although last born children can also have these tendencies in an attempt to get attention.
But not so in our family. As the bossy boots, I claimed the independent rebel label as my cause, which wasn’t open for negotiation with my two brothers. After all, I was here first.

Are you the black sheep of your family?

10 Comments
Jenny Duckworth
31/5/2012 12:19:59 am

As an only child, it's not quite so easy to work this out! I didn't have to struggle to be noticed. My cousins lived overseas at first, and then in Melbourne, so I didn't see a lot of them. I did become a teacher, a cub leader, and have been on lots of committees!!! I don't think I've done many outrageous things, but others may think differently.
I have owned a black poodle (she looked a bit like a lamb) - maybe that qualifies me!!

Reply
Hari Kotrotsios
31/5/2012 09:17:13 am

Jenny, I guess you qualify as the first born and technically the last born, which would give you a variety of attributes! I'd like to hear about some of your outrageous adventures one day.

Reply
Kate Alama
31/5/2012 04:51:57 am

I am the 'Airy Faiy' sheep.
But all good.
I too have been on a journey before this physical existance - I thought it was to help with the health system and listening to the voice of the patient/client, but now I know my true power and destiny is as a numerologist. Sad when I have claculated my families profiles and I can see the potential in them. That is why we have all been given free will. It is with Love and Light that we encourge all our brothers and sisters - seen and unseen and continue to raise the energy conciusness of all humanity.

Kindest regards
Kate Alama - Numerologist and Proud to be an 'Airy Fairy'

Reply
Hari Kotrotsios
31/5/2012 09:22:16 am

Welcome on board Airy Fairy!
Yes, we do have free will and while we see the potential in others, it's their choice as to how they live their lives. At the end of the day, there's no right or wrong path - it's all part of our life experiences. We all get to the same destination eventually - and it helps to either lend a hand or reach out for a helping hand when it's needed.
Love and light to you too.

Reply
bernie paul link
31/5/2012 07:40:56 am

Hi Hairi...Good one!
'black' is the darkest colour...and different...and I suspectthat racisim might have something to with its continium. As far as character is the concerned I was the youngest of 6 and the 'brainwave'...I bet by accident...I'm a great believer that the epoch one is born in has a lot to do with forming character. If you're not judging in the U3A comps I'll email a copy of my entry (on the same topic.)

Reply
Hari Kotrotsios
31/5/2012 09:24:09 am

Hi Bernie - indeed, each generation is shaped by the epoch they're born into, so no wonder we don't always understand each other!
I'm not judging any U3A comps, so feel free to email me your thoughts.

Reply
Ilyhana Kate Kennedy link
31/5/2012 11:54:18 am

Clarissa Pinkola Estes, wonderful purveyor of meaningful tales, refers to those of us who believe that the stork got the wrong address as "mistaken zygote". The Ugly Duckling is our good yarn.
And some years ago when I worked with the Childcare unit in TAFE, we split the students into groups of oldest, middle and younger in the sibling order and set them the same task to resolve. The group of oldest siblings had it sorted pronto. The youngest had interesting contrivances and schemes. The middle group had great trouble even beginning any kid of discussion, and seemed to expect that the problem might just go away.
i'm not sure what that says, 'cept as an oldest sibling, I'm working on letting people find their own solutions more often these days.

Reply
Hari Kotrotsios
31/5/2012 12:49:37 pm

Great insights and supportive experiment, Ilyhana. That would also explain the group dynamics when first borns have to deal with second and last born people!
For years my motto was: if I want something done, it's faster if I did it myself.
But I now fully support your option of letting others find their own solutions... no matter how frustratingly long it takes!

Reply
Therese Babcock
31/5/2012 12:41:36 pm

I loved this chapter Hari. I can relate to so much of it, moving away from the tribe and it's values. Just a little addition I'd like to make, as an eldest it seemed like so damn much was expected of me, while the other two below me got away with murder. Could it be that we put the expectation on ourselves??

Reply
Hari Kotrotsios
31/5/2012 12:52:12 pm

That's a great point, Therese - it's probably a combination of both: there's an expectation that first born children perform to a high standard, and as perfectionists, we aim to be the best. It's a bit of a Catch 22, don't you think?

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    ​Guest blog
    3 Unmissable Storytelling Tips to Captivate Your Readers

    Hari at a Camino sign markerPortuguese Camino 2019

    Hari in the snow with sled dogs
    Yukon, Canada 2018
    Hari in western Tibet
    Tibet 2007
    Hari with Athens Olympics volunteer
    Athens 2004 Olympics

    Travel blogs
    New Zealand 2008
    Tibet 2007
    New Zealand 2006
    Melbourne 2006
    United Kingdom 2004
    Athens Olympics 2004
    Peru 2003
    Beijing to Athens 1994
    Nepal 1991 
    ​

    Categories

    All
    Bushwalking
    Community
    Culture Shock
    Food
    Greece
    Health
    Identity
    Japan
    Language
    Life Direction
    New Zealand
    Olympics
    Peru
    Technology
    The Babysitter Chronicles
    Tibet
    Trains Planes & Automobiles


    Archives

    December 2019
    November 2019
    February 2018
    January 2018
    July 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011

​I acknowledge the traditional Custodians of the land on which I work and live, the Gubbi Gubbi / Kabi Kabi and Joondoburri people, and recognise their continuing connection to land, the waters and sky. I pay my respect to them and their cultures; and to Elders past, present and emerging.
​© 2023 HARI KOTROTSIOS
  • Home
  • Portfolio
  • Projects
  • Blog